Actually, I’m Not Enough.

I’ve learned that self-confidence has much to do with taking self out of the equation entirely in order to implement the kind of confidence that can only come from Christ.

The less we focus on self, and the more we focus on God & people the better we are at living out the life God has called us to live. Because life is not always about us, and because there is more to life than us. A hard truth to swallow- I know. I’m swallowing it, too. But if you can’t get through that one then might as well stop reading before you get any further.

I keep asking myself, “How could one feel whole in a world that’s placed a hole in them?”

Society has coddled us to believe that we’re okay just as we are, it has provided a hypothetical grace-movement, and to make us feel even better about ourselves they fool us into believing that our faults and failures are just a part of who we are. I mean, that’s how God made us. It sounds super good, and I wish I could believe it. But what about in the Bible where it says that God made us in His image? He did not create us to live in sin. “But what about the sin that has wrecked our lives ever since everything in the Garden took place?”, you may ask. God made us in His perfect image, and sin did separate us from that, but that doesn’t provide an excuse for us to live in sin. 

And although God made a way for us to be forgiven and loved and whole; He did not do it because He tolerates our sinful condition. He did it because He loves us. And when people ask me what I think about love that’s the kind of Love I want to tell them of. The kind of Love that while loving us at our lowest, continues to lead us towards a higher calling.

God went to the cross and died for us, and then goes on to tell us to deny ourselves and pick up our cross to follow Him. And that’s why I can’t bring myself to believe in so many instagrammers captions and blogs that I read. It’s not because I don’t love the people behind them. I cheer many of them on, and I love that they have a desire to live for Jesus. I really do. But what I can’t do is bring myself to believe a message that contradicts God’s Word. And anything that makes me feel good about myself in order for me to  remain comfortable with where I’m at in my christianity is not something I desire- Because I’ve learned that living a life that honors Christ is not about being comfortable. 

God did not create us to live in sin, but because of sin and everything that took place so many years ago we do have the temptation to sin, and we always will. That’s where grace comes in, but grace does not equate to living a comfortable life; it leads us to living an uncomfortable one.

I cannot bring myself to agree with the status quo that invites us to settle for living a life that does not honor Christ. And I refuse to use it as an excuse to do so myself, because although I fail so many times and I’m so very far from where I should be in my walk with Jesus I still desire to live a life that brings glory to His name and not my own. 

The longer I live for Him the more I realize that to be whole I have to spend time with the Holy One- which goes beyond the surface level of any instagram post or caption.

A real relationship with Jesus cannot be surface level; it has to be intimate and real in order for it to make a difference in your life. 

And I know too many of us believe we are enough just as we are, but I want to go ahead and contradict that false illusion that is given to so many people in society today. We are far from  enough, and if we were enough on our own there would be no place for Jesus in our lives. I think that’s what has messed so many of us up- sin has a way of doing that. It puffs us up and makes God small in our eyes when it should be the other way around. I don’t know about you, but my heartbeat is to live every second of my life for the One who gave me Life eternal. 

If you’ve gotten this far, then thanks for swallowing some hard truths with me today. God has been moving in my heart a lot over the past few weeks, and I’ve spent much of my time reflecting over this past year. I have so many regrets, and all of them lead back to the moments where I thought I was enough on my own. It breaks me to think that though God has been so good in so many ways I have failed to be my best for Him. So much of it points back to what society is feeding our minds and influencing our actions to live a life that says “I’m enough just as I am.” It does not allow us any room for growth. And if you’ve read this far, then this might be another hard truth to swallow: You’re not enough. And neither am I. 

I’ve grown so weary of seeing modern christianity being lived out the way it has been- because anytime we live a life less than what God has called us to live should break us to the point where we would be willing to give up anything for His name’s sake. He has called us to live pure and holy lives, and if that contradicts everything society has told us to believe then that’s okay. Because I’d rather live an uncomfortable life that has no place for settling and conforming to the ways of this world than to live a life that allows me to be comfortable in what society has told me to be true. And I hope that you would, too. 

Love and blessings, 

             Moriah grace 

Advertisement

The Truth Behind Seasons of Loneliness

These words are being written from my heart to the one who has/does feel just as empty on the inside as I have felt so many times. 

I’ve written on the topic of loneliness many times throughout my life, but I somehow find myself experiencing it all over again.

And the more I come back to these feelings, thoughts, and so-called seasons, the less lonely they feel. I used to think this was because I have experienced these feelings and seasons in my life so many times that some how my heart has become a little calloused to them, but then I began to wonder if maybe God is beginning to show me a little bit of truth behind these seasons that we call lonely in ways that I have never understood before. 

God tends to do that. He is so patient with us when we don’t learn things the way we should have the first time. It may seem kind of unlike God, because our mindset is so often on comfort and goodness and love, and when God desires to grow us it’s hard to see any of those things the way He does. 

I started teaching this fall. And I’ve learned a few things about God while doing so. When I’m with a student who is struggling to understand the concept of something I explain it and have them repeat it to me. If they still don’t understand, I explain it again or in a different way in order for them to understand it better. I rarely give them the pleasure and ease of simply knowing the answer without understanding the process behind it. Not because I enjoy doing so, but because I desire to see them grow.

I’ve seen this same thing to be true in my relationship with God. He teaches me over and over again, because I don’t fully understand or take the time to understand the lessons He is teaching me the first time. And since He desires to make much of me He takes the time to do so. I so often just want answers. I want to understand. I just want the “why” behind it all without actually having to experience the pain and humility behind the process of learning.

Yet every time I do something happens in my heart because I allow God to happen in my life.

When we allow God to be the Teacher, and when we take the humble position of the student a whole new meaning and understanding behind the heart of God becomes so inevitably clear.

I could give you a list of reasons why my heart should be feeling empty and lonely, but I would rather share why I am not struggling as much as I feel like I should be when every reasonable explanation should be pointed towards the season of life God has me in. It should be one where I accept the pity party life has handed me, but instead it has looked a lot more like accepting the purpose filled passion God has given me

God’s heart is not to suppress our hearts, but rather for our hearts to surrender to His heart.

So as I surrender to sharing these words that have been rooted in my heart for some time now I hope we can discover a little more about how loneliness might be more than a season of discouragement.

I’ve begun to realize that seasons of loneliness aren’t really seasons of loneliness, they are simply seasons. And we’ve given them the title when our lives aren’t quite filled with the people or things we want; the things or people that once gave us past fulfillment or enjoyment. 

It is more of a mindset and a state of heart that we coverup as something else in order for the most reasonable explanation for the echoing silence in our lives to distract us from the promises of Jesus and the purpose He has for us during times like these. 

So our season may not be lonely, but our hearts may be. And while we may not be able to change our circumstances, we can certainly allow God to change our hearts. 

We all know the feeling of loneliness that echoes through our hearts from time to time. But how do we conquer this feeling? Simple. 

We let God be God. 

And when we give God our lives He fully satisfies and fulfills. All it takes is learning the art of surrendering our desires to God’s desires for us.

God has been changing my mindset & heartbeat behind so many things in life.

One of them being when I find myself in these so-called ‘seasons of loneliness’ it is not because God is trying to place me in a suppressing position, but rather a set apart one.

And it does not make me any better or worse; it simply shifts my mindset to the realization that God does have a purpose for my life when all odds may seem against it.

And when God sets us apart for a set purpose it usually includes the taking away of many things in order for the including of more intentional, well-meaning things in our lives.

And by that, I don’t mean God doesn’t want us to cultivate and grow the friendships or relationships in our lives, but that He wants us to cultivate the right friendships and relationships in our lives in the right time- His time.

He sets us apart in order to use us more fully for His glory, and other times He sets us apart to deepen our relationship with Him in order for every other relationship in our lives to be where they need to be.

So I want to share every reason why God has reminded me during this season that He does not place us in these positions because we are indifferent or unloved or any other unreasonable excuse the enemy may use to fill our minds, but simply because God is working in our lives to enrich and deepen the value of it in ways that could never be done before. 

God has been filling my heart with passion for the life right in front of me rather than the one I wish I had, and I’m not sure I can explain it all because I have yet to understand it. Other than the abundance of being in His presence has certainly filled every other area of my life with His abundant goodness. 

Because I’ve learned when we surrender our everything to God; everything becomes good, because God is good. 

So, I’ll end our heart to heart with this: God desires to give us an abundant life, and sometimes it looks a little funny and we question it over a cup of coffee in a cafe all by ourselves, but I promise there is more to it than the title we place over these kind of seasons in our lives. There is purpose and passion and detailed planning behind the moments we wish were different. And it’s often these “different” moments that make the biggest difference in our lives. Let’s not be so quick to disregard them, but let’s make room for them. They may seem a little uncomfortable in the beginning, but then again, that’s where every good thing begins. When we take our discomfort to the One who can give comfort. When we become a little less dependent upon everything, and a little more dependent upon the God of everything. When God becomes our everything.

Love and Blessings, 

           Moriah grace