You know that girl you admire, the one you want to be just like? You long to be her friend, but instead, you place her on a pedestal because you think you’ll never be as good as her. She seems perfect…at everything she does. And instead of letting her know that her existence makes a difference you allow comparison to be your newly found foundation. The confidence you once had suddenly transforms into a complex feeling of insecurity, and envy. You wish your journey looked like hers, perfectly confident in who she was meant to be.
But know this: She’s not perfect. And neither are you. Please know that before you continue to limit, and neglect your unique, individual, one of a kind story or before you begin to belittle someone else’s know that we’re all a little bit messy and we all need grace. I know, it’s a little intimidating when you feel like you can’t “meet up to her standards.” But I hope you know that your validation and worth is formulated by God alone. Not by the people we feel intimidated by, not when we feel invisible and unseen, or whether our journey has ridged edges and messy reflections.
I’ve wasted so many precious seconds, minutes, and even hours comparing my story, and neglecting to intentionally live out the opportunities He has placed before me. And now, there’s regrets swiftly written down on the days I failed to show up, fully as I am.
And I don’t want that for you. I hope you can embed a genuine spirit within you that opens doors to friendships of those you’ve once put on a pedestal or worse, belittled. Comparison is not only the thief of joy, but it robs people of the opportunity to cultivate meaningful friendships. Don’t allow comparison to put a limitation on how much you pour love into the lives that surround you, daily.
I’m beginning to unravel the truth behind comparison, a complex pattern of wishing we were more, and enough. It’s a confusing cycle that often leads to jealousy…And you know that girl you put on the pedestal, the one you admire, and even allow to intimidate you? Maybe behind all that you think she is she’s struggling to climb a mountain, perhaps she’s trudging through a desert or stuck deep down in a valley. Maybe our perception of who she is is only an illusion. Yeah, maybe she’s known by the crowd, but when loneliness lingers around her in the darkest of days perhaps all she ever longed for was a dear friend. Connections, and conversations. Memories, and laughter. Someone to cry with, and help her climb that rigid mountain.
She may not be all you ever thought she was, but maybe she needs to know that her existence makes an impact. That her smile can brighten someone’s day. And that her words make a difference.
The reason we don’t always see the back story to people’s lives is because we’re often already blinded by illusions of who we think everyone is, we tend to have our personal perceptions all neatly laid out, we’ve already formed our opinions and tucked any threat of them being changed underneath a blanket of security, we’ve mentally blocked the pathway of breaking past the barrier of our thoughts. A rare yet beautiful complexity tends to thrive when we unravel the truth about others, there’s something beautifully messy about fully knowing the truth intertwined in the pages of one’s story.
Because sometimes their story is just that, a story. Some pages are read by the ones that know her, but the chapters often remain unfinished. The sincerity of the words are questionable, and there seem to be dry tear stains hidden beneath the pages. Some words she purposefully stumbles over so the truth can remain untold. She’s afraid that your perception of her will altogether change once the truth of her story is confirmed. She rises each day with fear in her soul. She has a desire to be known, but not completely, only enough to get her through the day before the next one arrives.
And the most saddening part of it all is that the story He wrote with exceptional detail was being overlooked by our perceptions and comparison of the girl who herself was climbing a mountain not even we would dare climb all along. So, please don’t overlook those little opportunities of kindness, my friends. We tend to believe the words that people write, but we don’t always consider if they align with God’s truth. Sometimes the truth remains untold, but that does not make it any less valid. Remember that pedestals are simply illusions that we place people on. Know that we’re all called to courageously live a humble life not of comparison and enmity, but of kindness and truth. We often only read the preface of one’s story, so before we compare: Let’s cultivate a raw, beautifully messy, tangled in grace friendship & community of souls that long to be loved, just as they are. Know that right here, in this little corner, you’re fully welcomed and immeasurably loved.
With all my love,